(The bashful best stay far, far away.) Then you don a standard-issue loose-fitting cotton two-piece outfit that looks like a PE uniform for adults-in fetching Chicago-sky-in-February gray for men and forlorn faded pink for the ladies.

Top that, Hyatt-and, hey, the place never closes! Once inside the men’s locker room, I quickly learned the drill: First you remove your clothing. We stepped into the ornate marble lobby, and the cheerful hostess explained that access to the spa for the day costs a reasonable $30-for just $5 extra, you can stay overnight.

For those not in the know, here are some fun facts about King Spa: The one in Niles has been open since 2010 and touts itself as the “largest Asian sauna in America” the other one is in Dallas, that hot spot of progressive healing theory. So on a recent weekday morning, my wife and I set out to explore the gargantuan 34,000-square-foot facility sandwiched between Home Depot and the warehouse-size Korean grocery store Super H Mart in a mall plaza in suburban Niles. But then there’s King Spa & Sauna, which has been described to me as “Las Vegas and Seoul and movie time and dining and naked Russian-speaking strangers and mammoth blingy gemstones and napping all rolled into one.” Well, obviously, this I had to see for myself. I’m no spa devotee-someone getting all up in my business with a jasmine-scented loofah doesn’t exactly entice me.

King spa & sauna groupon